Congratulations. You’ve achieved peak awareness. You now own a shirt that sees through you. It knows your dreams, your failures, your browser history. It’s not impressed.

“You’re schmucking brilliant, schmuck.”

A phrase. A curse. A tombstone etched in sarcasm. This isn’t just a shirt—it’s the textile equivalent of an exhausted sigh from the universe. And it’s directed squarely at you.

Wrap yourself in this unisex heavy cotton tee, stitched together by the hands of time, apathy, and the last thread of your unraveling grip on reality. It doesn’t care if you’re a misunderstood genius or just confidently wrong—it fits either way. Comfort? Sure. Like the warm breath of a demon who’s very proud of your bad decisions.

This shirt isn’t here for compliments. It’s here to haunt your therapist.

Perfect for birthdays, office parties, first dates, or your next public meltdown in the produce aisle. Wear it when you want to radiate that rare combination of tortured brilliance and total moral ambiguity. Or don’t. It’ll still be waiting. Watching. Judging.

Product Features:

• Shoulder tape—because at least something in your life should be held together.

• Seamless design, unlike your identity crisis.

• Ribbed collar, ideal for when you’re hanging on by the neckline.

• Strong, smooth cotton, perfect for absorbing the sweat of existential panic.

• Made with 100% US cotton, unlike your emotional composition, which is 12% spite, 88% static.

Care Instructions:

• Machine wash cold. Nothing should be warm anymore.

• Tumble dry low, like your expectations.

• Do not iron. The wrinkles have seen things.

• Do not dry clean. This is not a shirt for clean consciences.

• Bleach only if you’re trying to erase what this shirt has witnessed. Spoiler: you can’t.