The resistance won’t be televised—but it might be wearing this.

In the dim twilight of civilization, where corporate overlords control your coffee temperature and sarcasm is taxed at 40%, one shirt dares to say what the rest of us whisper into our ration cans at night: “Schmuck you, you schmucking schmuck.” It’s not just a statement. It’s a resignation letter to humanity, lovingly screen-printed in bold, defiant cotton.

This Unisex Heavy Cotton Tee offers just enough softness to remember comfort, and just enough edge to remind the world you’re done playing nice. Perfect for mandatory work celebrations, post-apocalyptic family dinners, or wandering through what’s left of your local mall, wondering if you’re the only one who still remembers how to feel rage.

Because if we’re going to barrel into a surveillance-fueled techno-nightmare run by unpaid interns and crypto bros, we might as well look comfortably hostile doing it.

Product Features

• Shoulder tape: Reinforced to survive another fiscal quarter of soul erosion.

• Seamless design: You won’t find that in society anymore.

• Ribbed collar: Resilient, unlike public trust.

• Heavy cotton: Strong enough to carry the weight of existential dread.

• 100% ethically sourced: Because irony isn’t completely dead. Yet.

Care Instructions

• Non-chlorine bleach only—keep your sarcasm toxic, not your laundry.

• Do not iron: Crumpled is the new couture.

• Do not dry clean: Those were outlawed after The Incident.

• Machine wash cold (like your heart)

• Tumble dry low, or string it up on the clothesline between the ruins.