Yom Kippur much? Atone, Schmuck! T-Shirt

Because sometimes repentance needs a little branding. You know what you, did, schmuck. Perfect for fasting, praying, and silently judging everyone who definitely should be apologizing way more than you. 

Product Features (written in the Book of Life, pending review):

• Ribbed knit collar that holds its shape—unlike your cousin’s half-baked apology for ghosting last year’s break-fast.

• Shoulder tape for structure—not to be confused with the spine your uncle loses when asked why he still hasn’t donated to the synagogue fund.

• Double-needle stitching—rarer than someone actually fasting without complaining about their caffeine withdrawal every five minutes.

• Side seams for actual stability—something you won’t find in anyone’s “this year I’ll be a better person” resolutions.

• 100% ringspun cotton—soft, breathable, and unlike your sins, not weighed down in the heavenly scales.

Care Instructions (like commandments, but with laundry):

• Machine wash: cold—like the look you give when someone asks if bagels count as breaking the fast.

• Bleach: non-chlorine only—this shirt doesn’t need to be whitewashed like your uncle’s “I totally donated” tax return.

• Tumble dry: medium—unlike the guilt trip from your mother, which is always on high heat.

• Do not iron—it’s already sharp enough to cut through someone’s excuses for missing shul.

• Do not dry clean—it doesn’t need cleansing rituals, that’s what Kol Nidre is for.