Trick or Treat, Schmuck!

Forget the cutesy pumpkins and basic “boo” tees—this is Halloween with teeth. Our “Trick or Treat, Schmuck” shirt features Bigfoot himself, masked up, candy sack in hand, ready to stomp through suburbia and remind freeloaders what real scary looks like. It’s sarcastic, seasonal, and smug enough to make you the most memorable ghoul in the room.

Product Features (summoned from the crypt, not a whitepaper):

• Ribbed knit collar that holds its shape—unlike your buddy’s “haunted” JPEG investments.

• Shoulder tape for structure, not to be confused with the imaginary backbone of that guy in the Spirit Halloween couple’s costume aisle.

• Double-needle stitching that, like garlic at a vampire mixer, is disturbingly rare these days.

• Side seams for actual stability—something you won’t find in a séance with your crypto-bro cousin.

• 100% ringspun cotton: soft, breathable, and guaranteed not cursed on OpenSea.

Care Instructions (etched on a tombstone, read at midnight):

• Machine wash: cold, like the dead stare of a trick-or-treater who got raisins.

• Bleach: non-chlorine only—this shirt doesn’t need to be whitewashed like your “totally not cursed” Ouija board.

• Tumble dry: medium, unlike your risk tolerance when you said Bloody Mary three times.

• Do not iron—it’s already hot enough to raise the dead (or at least the neighbors’ eyebrows).

• Do not dry clean—it doesn’t need laundering like your horror-movie marathon excuses.