Trick or Treat, Schmuck!

Forget the cutesy pumpkins and basic “boo” tees—this is Halloween with teeth. Our “Trick or Treat, Schmuck” shirt features Bigfoot himself, masked up, candy sack in hand, ready to stomp through suburbia and remind freeloaders what real scary looks like. It’s sarcastic, seasonal, and smug enough to make you the most memorable ghoul in the room.

Product Features (cooked in a cauldron, served with eye of newt):

• Shoulder tape reinforced for the psychological weight of tolerating dimwits dressed as “sexy zombies.”
• Seamless design—unlike the broken logic of that guy arguing candy corn is “good, actually.”
• Ribbed collar that stays crisp, even when you’re gnashing your teeth at the neighbors handing out raisins.
• Smooth, durable cotton—tougher than the paper-thin excuses of adults who “forgot” to buy candy.
• Made ethically with 100% US cotton—because you’ve got standards, unlike Frankenstein’s monster patchwork morals.

Care Instructions (spelled out before you curse them):

• Non-chlorine bleach—for the blood stains (relax—it’s probably fake) and the wine you spilled laughing at your own jokes.
• Do not iron—this shirt is already sharper than a vampire’s grin.
• Do not dry clean—if they’re dry-cleaning Halloween tees, they’ve clearly sold their soul already.
• Machine wash cold—like your undead stare when someone says, “I don’t really like horror movies.”
• Tumble dry low—because the only thing you should set ablaze this season is a jack-o’-lantern.