Commodore Schmuck’s Mug – Sip Slowly, Regret Everything

There it is. Just one word: Schmuck. Black as your coffee. Blacker than your choices. This isn’t just a mug—it’s a daily reminder that you woke up again, and despite every cosmic red flag, you’ve chosen to participate in society.

Commodore Schmuck didn’t climb the ranks by making wise decisions—he got here through spite, caffeine, and a complete disregard for HR. This mug honors that legacy. It’s not here to motivate you. It’s here to stare into your soul while you microwave yesterday’s coffee for the third time and pretend it’s fine.

Perfect for the burnt-out overachiever, the lovable office disaster, or that one friend who insists “everything’s under control” while casually igniting a metaphorical dumpster fire.

Product Features:

• Glossy ceramic finish—because even poor life choices deserve a shiny surface

• Bold, permanent lettering that won’t flake (unlike your sense of purpose)

• Microwave and dishwasher safe, because honestly, nothing else in your life is

• 11oz or 15oz—either way, it won’t be enough

• Lead and BPA-free, because your mug shouldn’t be the reason you’re dying inside

Care Instructions:

• Top rack dishwasher safe, assuming you’ve done dishes since the last spiral

• Or hand wash if you’re nostalgic for disappointment