Schmuck Hunter

Because someone’s gotta do it—and let’s face it, it was never going to be subtle.

Whether you’re out there spotting schmucks like it’s your full-time job, or just trying to avoid being tagged and bagged yourself, this tee makes your position crystal clear: you’re either hunting, hunted, or in deep denial. Perfect for those with a low tolerance for nonsense and an even lower threshold for subtlety.

Wear it to family functions, work meetings, Tinder dates—basically anywhere schmucks roam free. Warning: may attract confrontation, admiration, or confessions from guilty parties.

Product Features:

• Shoulder tape strong enough to carry the burden of constantly being right.

• Seamless design—because we save drama for group chats, not hems.

• Ribbed collar that bounces back better than your last three exes.

• Fabric smoother than a schmuck’s excuses.

• 100% U.S. cotton, because you deserve to look good while questioning everyone’s life choices.

Care Instructions:

• Machine wash cold—like your stare.

• Tumble dry low—like your tolerance.

• No bleach—unless it’s for purifying your soul.

• Don’t iron. Don’t dry clean. Don’t expect this shirt to fix your life, just your wardrobe.