Schmuck Happens

Because of course it does.

When the universe shrugs and hands you another lesson in disappointment, this shirt is your official uniform. Equal parts sarcasm and surrender, the Schmuck Happens tee is for those who’ve seen it all, stepped in it twice, and still managed to show up looking better than everyone else.

Made from heavy cotton (unlike the lightweight excuses you hear daily), this unisex shirt doesn’t just sit pretty—it stares back with the same dead-eyed resolve you’ve perfected over years of putting up with them. Great for family dinners, office meetings, or any moment when you’re pretending not to care (and nailing it).

Product Features

• Shoulder tape, because someone has to hold it together.

• Seamless design—unlike your life.

• Ribbed collar that won’t stretch out, unlike your patience.

• Durable fabric made to withstand eye-rolls, side-eyes, and accidental wine spills.

• 100% US cotton. Because while schmucks may be everywhere, at least your tee is ethically sourced.

Care Instructions

• Machine wash cold (just like your heart’s become)

• Tumble dry low, like your standards

• Do not iron—wrinkles are part of the charm

• Bleach only if you’re trying to forget

• Do not dry clean—life’s messy, embrace it