Schmuck Happens

Because of course it does.

When the universe shrugs and hands you another lesson in disappointment, this shirt is your official uniform. Equal parts sarcasm and surrender, the Schmuck Happens tee is for those who’ve seen it all, stepped in it twice, and still managed to show up looking better than everyone else.

Made from heavy cotton (unlike the lightweight excuses you hear daily), this shirt doesn’t just sit pretty—it stares back with the same dead-eyed resolve you’ve perfected over years of putting up with them. Great for family dinners, office meetings, or any moment when you’re pretending not to care (and nailing it).

Crafted for women who prefer real-world style over virtual snake oil, this softstyle tee won’t crash overnight, rug-pull your closet, or require a 37-step wallet recovery phrase. It’s fashion for those who skipped the FOMO and kept their dignity (and dollars).

Perfect for brunch, errands, or silently roasting that guy at the party who keeps calling himself a “crypto futurist” while trying to expense his gas fees. Because while he’s explaining decentralized ownership to a houseplant, you’ll be out here… looking good in cotton.

Product Features

• Ribbed knit collar that holds its shape—unlike your buddy’s JPEG investments

• Shoulder tape for structure, not to be confused with the imaginary kind

• Double-needle stitching that, like your common sense, is surprisingly rare these days

• Side seams for actual stability (take notes, Ethereum bros)

• 100% ringspun cotton: soft, breathable, and never hosted on OpenSea

Care Instructions

• Machine wash: cold, like the dead eyes of NFT shillers

• Bleach: non-chlorine only—this shirt doesn’t need to be whitewashed like your losses

• Tumble dry: medium, unlike your risk tolerance

• Do not iron—it’s already hot enough from truth bombs

• Do not dry clean—it doesn’t need laundering like your favorite Discord group