Ah yes, the “Lars gonna Lars…” shirt — a true masterpiece of vague defiance and inside-joke elitism. Nothing says “I have zero interest in explaining myself, and even less interest in your confusion” like this cryptic cotton proclamation. It’s a fashion statement for those who believe context is for the weak and that personal accountability is just a societal suggestion.

Is Lars a person? A mood? A lifestyle? Maybe. No. Yes. Who cares? The shirt knows, and that’s apparently enough. It’s the perfect garment for shrugging off responsibility while projecting an aura of ironic detachment. Wear it to your next existential crisis or passive-aggressive brunch — either way, it screams, “Don’t ask. I won’t tell. And if I do, you still won’t get it.”

Truly, a triumph of smug minimalism.

Product Features

• Shoulder tape: For when you inevitably collapse under the weight of loving too many schmucks.

• Seamless design: Because Lars hates seams. Seams once wronged him. He won’t talk about it.

• Ribbed collar: Holds its shape better than your last relationship.

• Strong, smooth fabric: For surviving the wash, emotional breakdowns, and spontaneous interpretive dance.

• 100% US cotton: Ethically made, because even Lars has standards.

Care Instructions (or just let Derp handle it, which we do not recommend)

• Bleach: only non-chlorine (we’re not trying to summon spirits here)

• Do not iron: unless you want to summon Crispy Lars

• No dry cleaning: Lars tried once. It did not go well.

• Wash cold (30C / 90F): simply because we want it to fit for more than a few washings

• Tumble dry low: or just hang it from your rearview mirror like a warning sign