Because if the world’s going to end in fire, floods, or a boardroom Zoom call, you might as well be awake for it.

This isn’t artisan. It’s not ethical. It’s not sustainably harvested from the tears of Himalayan monks. It’s coffee. For schmucks. Like us. Who wake up every day, scroll through five fresh catastrophes, and still drag ourselves to the grind—literal or existential.

Bitter, over-caffeinated, and vaguely burnt—just like your soul after another news cycle. Pairs well with quiet desperation, performative emails, and the creeping realization that no one’s coming to save us.

Forget “rise and shine.” This is “sip and accept the absurdity.”

Because hope is dead, but caffeine is forever.

This 12oz bag of brooding, dark French roast doesn’t care about your wellness journey. It’s bitter, bold, and unapologetically intense—because someone has to be. With flavors of cocoa, toasted nuts, and the slow realization that this is as good as it gets, Bitterroot doesn’t pander. It delivers a toasty, bittersweet kick with a strong finish, kind of like your last relationship.

Sourced from places where people still try, roasted in the USA by people who definitely don’t, and made for schmucks like us who keep waking up anyway. Brew it in your drip maker, French press, or percolator—whatever machine you’ve got left that hasn’t broken down yet.

Don’t buy or use this if you’re allergic to coffee.

.: Size: 12oz (340g)
.: Dark French roast
.: Bittersweet, chocolate, toasty, strong finish
.: Cocoa, toasted nuts
.: Growing region: South America
.: Whole bean or ground options available
.: Roasted in the USA
.: Small batch roasted by experts for superior quality, consistency and freshness
.: Graded and certified as “Specialty Grade Craft Coffee” according to the Specialty Coffee Association’s (SCA) guidelines
.: Please note: This product is shipped only to the United States and their territories, as well as Canada