Schmucken’ Turducken! 🦃🐔🦆

For Thanksgiving, we didn’t just bring a bird to the table—we brought a mutant eldritch horror stitched together like the holiday itself: confusing, overstuffed, and somehow still expected to be “fun for the whole family.”

This shirt is for anyone who knows the real feast isn’t turkey—it’s sarcasm, cynicism, and maybe some wine-fueled side-eye at your uncle’s conspiracy theories.

Product Features (served hot, with gravy):

• Shoulder tape reinforced for the psychological weight of dealing with idiots daily.

• Seamless design—unlike their fragmented logic.

• Ribbed collar that stays sharp, even when you’re biting your tongue (or not).

• Smooth, durable cotton—built to outlast every wrong take they’ve ever spewed.

• Made ethically with 100% US cotton—because you have principles, even if they don’t.

Care Instructions (like your patience):

• Non-chlorine bleach—for the stains left by spilled wine and spilled truth.

• Do not iron—this shirt is already flat-out savage.

• Do not dry clean—if they need to dry clean their tees, they’re part of the problem.

• Machine wash cold—like your deadpan stare when they try to “well actually” you.

• Tumble dry low—because setting fire to bridges should be metaphorical… for now.