Be Groovy or Leave, Schmuck — The T-Shirt

For when you want to channel peak mid-60s protest vibes, but with the added wisdom of knowing everyone around you is still an idiot. This shirt isn’t just cotton—it’s a protest song stitched into fabric, except instead of railing against The Man, it’s railing against your cousin Larry who still thinks quoting “Blowin’ in the Wind” makes him profound.

Product Features (served lukewarm, like a stale bagel on MacDougal Street):

• Shoulder tape reinforced—for schlepping everyone else’s baggage, because apparently you’re the “Shelter from the Storm.”

• Seamless design—unlike the tangled mess of excuses from that one friend who swears they’re “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” but really just forgot your birthday.

• Ribbed collar that stays sharp—even when you’re biting your tongue while someone misquotes “Like a Rolling Stone” at karaoke.

• Smooth, durable cotton—tough enough to last longer than your patience for every guy who thinks playing “Tambourine Man” on acoustic makes him a poet.

• Ethically made with 100% US cotton—because you’re trying to fix the world (tikkun olam), even if everyone else is still tangled up in blue.

Care Instructions:

• Non-chlorine bleach—for the wine stains and smug smirks from people who “just discovered” Blonde on Blonde.

• Do not iron—this shirt already smolders with all the fire of “Idiot Wind.”

• Do not dry clean—because if you’re dry-cleaning your tees, you’ve officially gone electric in the worst way.

• Machine wash cold—like your deadpan glare when someone explains Dylan “was better before Newport ’65.”

• Tumble dry low—because the times may be a-changin’, but your patience sure as hell isn’t.