Yom Kippur much? Atone, Schmuck! T-Shirt

Because sometimes repentance needs a little branding. You know what you, did, schmuck. Perfect for fasting, praying, and silently judging everyone who definitely should be apologizing way more than you. 

Product Features (served lukewarm, like break-fast bagels):

• Shoulder tape reinforced—for schlepping around the emotional baggage of everyone else’s guilt.

• Seamless design—unlike your cousin’s excuses for why he still hasn’t called his mother.

• Ribbed collar that stays crisp, even when you’re biting your tongue through another half-baked apology.

• Smooth, durable cotton—tough enough to withstand forty days of “I’ll be better this year” lies (spoiler: they won’t).

• Ethically made with 100% US cotton—because you believe in tikkun olam, even if they can’t be bothered.

Care Instructions (like your patience, in short supply):

• Non-chlorine bleach—to wash away the wine stains and that smug look from the rabbi’s son who thinks he’s a stand-up comic.

• Do not iron—this shirt already burns with righteous indignation.

• Do not dry clean—if they’re dry-cleaning their tees, they’re beyond atonement.

• Machine wash cold—like your stare when someone tries to “well actually” the Torah portion.

• Tumble dry low—because setting fires of vengeance is best kept metaphorical (until after Havdalah).