The “Schmuck & Schmendrick” T-Shirt
For the walking contradiction you didn’t ask for.

Finally, a shirt that does the heavy lifting of insulting you before anyone else gets the chance. Why let the world wonder whether you’re just a schmuck or a full-blown schmendrick when you can proudly announce that you’re both—loudly, unapologetically, and in cotton-blend comfort?

This shirt is perfect for:

• Ruining first impressions

• Letting your in-laws know their suspicions were correct

• Reminding yourself that self-awareness doesn’t equal self-improvement

Crafted from fabric soft enough to cradle your poor life choices, and printed with lettering bold enough to warn small children, this shirt is a masterclass in bad decisions—just like you.

Buy it. Wear it. Regret it. Repeat.

Product Features

• Shoulder tape, because even shirts need support in this timeline.

• Seamless design, saving fabric for the dystopian sewing bots.

• Ribbed collar: still more structure than society.

• Strong, smooth cotton—ready to display your printed rebellion in high definition.

• 100% U.S. cotton, ethically sourced before ethics became optional.

Care Instructions

• Machine wash cold, like your robot overlord’s heart

• Tumble dry low, unlike your standards

• Do not iron—you’re not that fancy

• Do not dry clean—unless you want to meet the AI that runs the cleaners

• Bleach? Only if it’s non-chlorine. We’re not monsters

Wear it loud. Wear it proud. Buckle up, meatbag—this ride doesn’t stop.