Congratulations. You’ve achieved peak awareness. You now own a shirt that sees through you. It knows your dreams, your failures, your browser history. It’s not impressed.

“You’re schmucking brilliant, schmuck.”

A phrase. A curse. A tombstone etched in sarcasm. This isn’t just a shirt—it’s the textile equivalent of an exhausted sigh from the universe. And it’s directed squarely at you.

Wrap yourself in this cotton tee, stitched together by the hands of time, apathy, and the last thread of your unraveling grip on reality. It doesn’t care if you’re a misunderstood genius or just confidently wrong—it fits either way. Comfort? Sure. Like the warm breath of a demon who’s very proud of your bad decisions.

This shirt isn’t here for compliments. It’s here to haunt your therapist.

Perfect for birthdays, office parties, first dates, or your next public meltdown in the produce aisle. Wear it when you want to radiate that rare combination of tortured brilliance and total moral ambiguity. Or don’t. It’ll still be waiting. Watching. Judging.

Product Features:

Crafted for women who prefer real-world style over virtual snake oil, this softstyle tee won’t crash overnight, rug-pull your closet, or require a 37-step wallet recovery phrase. It’s fashion for those who skipped the FOMO and kept their dignity (and dollars).

Perfect for brunch, errands, or silently roasting that guy at the party who keeps calling himself a “crypto futurist” while trying to expense his gas fees. Because while he’s explaining decentralized ownership to a houseplant, you’ll be out here… looking good in cotton.

Product Features

• Ribbed knit collar that holds its shape—unlike your buddy’s JPEG investments

• Shoulder tape for structure, not to be confused with the imaginary kind

• Double-needle stitching that, like your common sense, is surprisingly rare these days

• Side seams for actual stability (take notes, Ethereum bros)

• 100% ringspun cotton: soft, breathable, and never hosted on OpenSea

Care Instructions

• Machine wash: cold, like the dead eyes of NFT shillers

• Bleach: non-chlorine only—this shirt doesn’t need to be whitewashed like your losses

• Tumble dry: medium, unlike your risk tolerance

• Do not iron—it’s already hot enough from truth bombs

• Do not dry clean—it doesn’t need laundering like your favorite Discord group