You say tomato, I say you’re a schmuck.

This isn’t a cute disagreement. This is a declaration of intellectual war—embroidered in 100% unapologetic cotton. This Unisex Heavy Cotton Tee is for those who are done entertaining the opinions of the chronically misinformed, the confidently incorrect, and the proudly pedantic. You’ve tried patience. You’ve tried silence. Now try clothing that does the verbal slapping for you.

Perfect for family dinners that devolve into debates, coworkers who “play devil’s advocate,” and random internet strangers who think volume equals intelligence. Slip this on and let the fabric do the talking—because you’ve already wasted enough breath explaining the obvious to the oblivious.

Product Features:

• Shoulder tape reinforced for the psychological weight of dealing with idiots daily.

• Seamless design—unlike their fragmented logic.

• Ribbed collar that stays sharp, even when you’re biting your tongue (or not).

• Smooth, durable cotton—built to outlast every wrong take they’ve ever spewed.

• Made ethically with 100% US cotton—because you have principles, even if they don’t.

Care Instructions:

• Non-chlorine bleach—for the stains left by spilled wine and spilled truth.

• Do not iron—this shirt is already flat-out savage.

• Do not dry clean—if they need to dry clean their tees, they’re part of the problem.

• Machine wash cold—like your deadpan stare when they try to “well actually” you.

• Tumble dry low—because setting fire to bridges should be metaphorical… for now.