“Schmucks Gonna Schmuck” Tee

There’s no need to pretend anymore. This isn’t a fashion statement—it’s a resignation. The “Schmucks Gonna Schmuck” tee is your armor in a world where mediocrity is inevitable, idiocy is contagious, and expectations are best left six feet under. Whether you’re navigating another pointless meeting or standing in line behind someone arguing with a self-checkout machine, this shirt silently screams, “Of course this is happening.”

Designed for those who’ve stopped asking “Why?” and started muttering “Of course,” this unisex heavy cotton tee offers the deadpan comfort you’ll need to endure humanity’s ongoing parade of disappointment. The classic fit ensures it hangs just loosely enough to say, “I gave up, but I still got dressed.”

Perfect for birthdays you didn’t want to attend, holidays you resent, and reunions that remind you why you left in the first place. Also makes a great gift for the one person in your life who still believes people can change. Ha.

Product Features:

• Shoulder tape: because even your clothes should be more put together than your outlook.

• Seamless design: no awkward stitching, just awkward silences.

• Ribbed collar: clings to its shape better than you’ve clung to hope.

• Smooth, strong cotton: ideal for printing existential truths or coffee stains.

• Made ethically with 100% US cotton—because at least something should have integrity.

Care Instructions:

• Machine wash cold, like your soul.

• Tumble dry low, like your expectations.

• No bleach unless you’re trying to erase the last trace of optimism.

• Do not iron; wrinkles add character, or at least distraction.

• Do not dry clean—this isn’t a tuxedo, it’s a coping mechanism.

Wear it proudly, or don’t. It won’t matter.