Schmuck Rogers™ Mug: For the Coward, the Caffeine, and the Cosmic Consequences

There’s no redemption arc here. No hero’s journey. Just you, this mug, and the slowly creeping realization that you’ve had too much coffee and not enough impulse control. The Schmuck Rogers mug doesn’t ask questions. It doesn’t care who shot first (it was you, obviously). It doesn’t care who’s crying in the escape pod. It only knows one thing: you need another cup—and accountability is for people with HR departments.

Crafted in sleek, glossy black ceramic to reflect the void staring back at you, this vessel of barely-contained mayhem is as durable as your bad decisions and twice as hot. Sip with confidence—or at least plausible deniability.

Ideal for war criminals (alleged), middle managers, exhausted freelancers, and anyone whose day starts with “just one cup” and ends with burning down an asteroid bar because someone looked at you funny.

Product Features:

• Glossy ceramic finish: because darkness should shine

• Bold, vibrant printing that outlasts your moral compass

• Microwave and dishwasher safe (you are barely housebroken, after all)

• Available in 11oz (regret) and 15oz (utter collapse)

• Lead and BPA-free—our lawyers insisted

Care Instructions:

Top rack dishwasher or hand wash if you’re feeling performative. Either way, scream into the void while you do it.